I'm Agnostic, But...
If I could take communion with Twinkies and Kool Aid, I might consider going to church. Transubstantiation, the belief that the wafer and wine taken at communion are the body and blood of Christ, requires quite a leap of faith. Would it be too far to leap, relatively speaking, to believe that a Twinkie and some Kool Aid are the Body and Blood? I doubt it. This would be popular. Who wouldn't want a little creme filling in their Jesus? Here's the other thing that would really get me into church: If, when communion was about to be served, a guy in a giant Jesus costume broke throught the back wall of the church and shouted "oh YEAH!" after the pastor yelled "Hey, JESUS!" like those kids do in the Kool Aid commercials. Very cool.
Oh, and if hymns were commercial jingles, I would be in church at every opportunity.
Sung to the tune of the Honeycomb Cereal jingle:
"Jesus is big, yeahyeahyeah
Gotta big taste yeahyeahyeah"
Sung to the tune of the Juicyfruit Gum Jingle:
"Eucharist, the taste that moves ya
So soft to chew, it gets right to ya
Eucharist, the taste the taste the taste
that's gonna moOOve ya!"
I don't have faith that this'll happen any time soon.
Oh, and if hymns were commercial jingles, I would be in church at every opportunity.
Sung to the tune of the Honeycomb Cereal jingle:
"Jesus is big, yeahyeahyeah
Gotta big taste yeahyeahyeah"
Sung to the tune of the Juicyfruit Gum Jingle:
"Eucharist, the taste that moves ya
So soft to chew, it gets right to ya
Eucharist, the taste the taste the taste
that's gonna moOOve ya!"
I don't have faith that this'll happen any time soon.
6 Comments:
Ballsy.
Q
Thanks, Q! I always appreciate it when you come 'round here!
Thanks, Tiamaria, and I'm glad you like it. Thanks for checking out my writing.
I'm a real live worship leader at a little church in a little town up in Canada. We use guitars, bass and drums and stuff. Jingles. I like it. I like it a lot. You might have something there. I'll let you know how it goes. I just might slip one in one of these weeks. Hee-hee!
M.
Changed that. Thanks, Trisha. I'm glad i didn't do something rational like use a "C" instead of a "K". Damn brand names.
Anonymous (or M), I can't imagine that Jesus would care a whole lot what people used for the Eucharist, as long as they're using something. It's a ritual. Faith is at the heart of what's important, isn't it? People make rituals where they see fit. Rastafarians think that smoking pot is a sacred rite. They call the ritual pot-smoking "sipping the chalice". I'm sure that they've gained more than a few converts with that one....
Twinkies and Kool Aid, hmmm? Something tells me the Catholics won't go for that shit...
Was looking to see if Twinkies would be a good substitute for wheat-based communion wafers, and found this.
I keep reading Catholics as "Cathaholics" these days. I dunno why.
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